"it is not my personality that MAKES you feel uncomfortable, it's your personality being uncomfortable with me"
I always went through life thinking I was a total bad ass. I intimidated the crap out of people by sheer force of will. But I used that as a shield because I was angry about everything and everyone. Everything was a competition and if you let people know about you, then they had power over you and I would not let you find my weakness. I'll know yours but you'll never know mine. Everything was viewed as a personal attack on me.
2016 was a very defining year for me where a special person really shook that paradigm I created for myself. I never really thought much about self-love but I knew I wasn't happy with myself, my life, my relationships......everything. I saw a video from Lisa Nicholls one day about how she pulled herself out of depression with words of affirmation, gratitude and changing the things around her. She did this for 30 days and she was successful in her mission. So, I decided to do something similar. I found several videos that were similar in nature and watched them every day for 30 days. After 15 days, things started to change, almost like magic. I started to let things go. I started to REALIZE I was angry! (Remember, this was my general state of being) By the end of the 30 days, I wasn't even reacting to things the same way any more so I thought, what next?
I started meditating to 10-minute guided meditations every morning that I found on YouTube and I really started to learn about myself through them. I found gratitude in myself and all things, even waking up and being able to get out of bed!! I started journaling, but not on a daily basis despite the "gurus" telling you to do that because that felt really inhibiting to me. So I wrote when I felt I had something to say or something I discovered. Let me tell you, it's an amazing tool for figuring things out about yourself!
So, "ah-ha" moments come at random or when I see/hear something and it just connects. The process is never ending. I still have bad moments, especially around my body, but I'm a lot quicker to respond to them now and check myself. I think self-awareness is really key to self-love. It helps you see those things that can send you back to old habits or thought patterns and stop them before they sink back in again. I still own my bad-assery because that's just me and the aura I project. I can't and more importantly WON'T change that. I heard something recently that really stuck with me, "it is not my personality that MAKES you feel uncomfortable, it's your personality being uncomfortable with me" and that's really true. I know what I am and what I offer and I love that. I am beautiful, kind, giving and intelligent but I am strong and I will not diminish myself for anyone ever again.
Thank you Chaylene, for sharing YOUR story!
Who else would like to share their story? Please get in touch and I will be happy to do so…because sharing is caring!