“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside awakens”
~Carl Jung
As I reflect on this quote today, I understand the powerful meaning within these words. I have experienced both the ‘dream state’ and the ‘awakening state’...(I prefer the latter and this is why.)
My life was once spent dreaming of success, perfect relationships, love, and making a difference in the world.
But, I didn’t know how to get it. I set goals, worked hard, did personal development, read the books, etc, etc.
I was doing all the right things and yet nothing clicked.
As I watched others live out my dreams, I really struggled. And when the little green-eyed monster reared up in protest, I was too miserable over what I didn’t have to be happy for the achievements other people had made.
Who was that girl? She wasn’t the person I truly was or ever wanted to be!
But even that knowing didn’t stop me from continuing to berate, judge and tear myself apart because of what I thought was my “failure” to succeed.
And, it was my shameful, little secret.
On the outside, my life was absolutely beautiful. I had a loving husband, cherished sons, home and acreage, good friends... let me tell you, everyone I knew thought I had it all together too.
And, it was all bullsh*t.
Oh, Nicole, you are so pretty!
Love your hair!
You have such great fashion sense! Your life looks so perfect!
All just One. Big. Act.
I figured if I could keep looking good and sounding good - like I had it all together - then maybe one day I actually would!
It seemed, in hindsight, that others' opinions of me mattered more than my own opinion of myself... others loving me mattered more than my own self-love.
I had that all wrong. Yet it’s something most of us struggle with.
I told myself if I kept DOING all the right things, then I could HAVE all the things and then I would BE, eventually, alright too.
I was a mask-wearing guru. I knew what the world expected from me and so I played the part, very well.
And, I had everyone fooled, including myself, most of the time.
Yet, in the quiet moments, lying awake with an unquenchable burning thirst so deep down inside - I knew that this whole time I’d had it all wrong.
Nothing that I had been doing was working. It all had to start within me.
The whole time I had been busy trying to be perfect, trying to be right, (not to mention fighting to show the world I was perfect and right) I had been squashing my dreams.
They were never going to come to fruition until I surrendered to my truth.
No one was ever going to see the real me until I did. Until I dared to be brave enough to look inside and let the work begin on the inside...nothing was ever going to change.
So I made a decision.
I was going to learn to love myself. I was going to choose to see my soul and the truth of who I really am.
I was going to make peace with the brokenness within me, learn to look at all of the broken pieces as blessings, and use them to propel myself, and eventually others forward.
That was when my awakening started.
I committed to changing on the inside...to loving myself, accepting myself and to be enough for me!
At that time, I didn’t really know what I was doing, but I understand it clearly now.
I had to start with my mind - addressing my thoughts, attitude, behaviours and beliefs (TABB’s) that were holding me back - and I knew at a Soul/Spirit level that I could transform all of that.
My TABB’s were there to protect me and were just patterned beliefs that ran on auto-pilot, also known as the subconscious.
I wanted that “mean girl voice” inside to STOP.
And every time she opened her mouth with anything less than kindness, I literally told her to “STOP” (I actually said it out loud!)
Today, I know that was the beginning step to Cognitive Reflex Conditioning - something I now work with my clients on.
How to reprogram thoughts in 4 steps:
RECOGNIZE the thoughts are even there,
REALISE that those no longer keep you safe and do not serve you,
decide to REPLACE them with a thought or belief you want to have and finally,
REPEAT every time the old TABB shows itself.
And Holy Hannah it was flippen exhausting for me at the start because the more TABB’s that started to pop up, the more I had to replace.
It felt like I was doing that all day long.
But do you know what I discovered?
As I practised and repeated kindness to myself, the ‘old yucky voice’ was starting to change and it was becoming easier for me to focus on other things. I actually had more energy to give to other areas of my life.
My life was changing because my mind was changing.
And soon I was busy creating my dreams instead of fighting myself.
I took those maladaptive thoughts captive and began transforming them into revolving new positive patterns.
Now I teach the 4 Steps in a much different way in order to empower my clients to do the same thing.
With my full support as their Coach, (one of my dreams coming true) I am walking proof that this stuff is real and it works!
Fast forward to today.... Oh, what amazing Self-Love I have!
For the first time in 50 years I can look at myself (literally) in the mirror and love the girl looking back at me.
Our relationship is only one of love, most days! I accept, nurture, protect, negotiate with kindness, and embrace all of her.
I see her true worth and I know it was always there, ‘She’ was always enough!
Today...
➢ Not only is the relationship I have with her incredible, but my other relationships are strong, honourable, safe and true.
➢ I no longer let others put me down with how they use me, instead I have boundaries and I know how to respectfully honour those boundaries to keep me safe.
➢ I’m able to see her and her inner and outer beauty, but I also see her flaws, chips, dents and they are amazing.
The little girl inside me is finally safe being able to be her true self without the criticism from me. (That little girl has taught me so much... all the broken pieces are beautiful and were always there FOR me.)
My life, my trauma, my lessons were all gifts for me and I am finally awakened!
I was always enough and will always be enough... for me! And, my soul sister, the same holds true for you!
So, be brave and make the choice that you are enough to take the first step... and please always remember - that you are, indeed, enough - just the way you are at this exact moment! xoxo,
